www.schlopstakovich.com

We all know each bean has different curative properties. I thought here we could each list what particular ailments we can cure.

Me, I can help with stubbed toes and also paper cuts and also chicken the pox.

What about yous guys?

Oh, in my younger and more formidable years I could heal a wide assortment of angst and ailments! But now I mostly can cure insomnia and heart palpitations.

When people eat too much food and have tummy aches, I can help with that (especially if there is more food that they don't want to eat, I can help eat that food). Just place me on the affected area and radiating waves of fuzz from me will neutralize the stomach upsetness. Hold position for 30 minutes to 1 hour while petting my fur (going with the fur, not against the fur, people!).

Also - I can help with pancake headaches when you eat too many pancakes and feel sleepy. I once ate 50 pancakes and then took a nap for 4 days.

I help with muffin headaches when you eat a muffin too fast.

Also itchy rashes.

I help keep you safe from your darkest demons. Just keep me nearby (I can fit snuggly in a pocket) and will ward off most troublesome demons that are looking to cause trouble. I can also use my Slayer powers to defeat particularly evil demons.

Just keep me nearby and you will be safe!

Also I help with runny noses.

Petri wrote:Just keep me nearby and you will be safe!

Hoo hoo - that's what I do!

I help with both the common cold (clinically I have been shown to reduce the severity and duration of most colds by up to 15%) and the flu. I can protect from most strains of avian flu as well as Captain Tripps. Also if you burn your tongue, place me on the back of your neck for a cool and refreshing relief.

You guys really do all that stuff?

I don't think I have any special curative powers. I dunno, maybe I can help people sleep better by being snuggly. Does that count? How did you guys learn all that magical stuff?

Muffins wrote:Also itchy rashes.

I just wanted to clearify that I actually cause itchy rashes.

Petri wrote:I can also use my Slayer powers to defeat particularly evil demons.

Petri.... tell me more.

What are your Slayer powers and how are you able to defeat said Demons?

Are there any schools that teach such slaying to little guys here in Denver?

Shnoodles wrote:I can protect from most strains of avian flu as well as Captain Tripps. Also if you burn your tongue, place me on the back of your neck for a cool and refreshing relief.

Shnoodles... WHAT!

There isn't one true thing in that entire post. None of that makes any sense. This isn't a forum of LIES pal, or of "what you wish you cured."

Back to your maple biscuits, eh?

Hey guys,

I cure hurt finers when someone has to get blood drawn. Or if they have to get a shot. Did you know that Lee got me one day right after she went to the Doctor's office, to help with that?

Yesterday Lee went to this place to get her cholesterol tested. The nurse-lady wasn't very good and ended up having to prick TWO of Lee's fingers. Lee was very sad. And boy did I have my work cut out for me, having to help TWO fingers feel better.

I'm happy to report that Lee's doing better now.

Nibs: how is Lee's cholesterol? Do you think she will be O.K.? Maybe she shouldn't eat so many mini-muffins? I hope Lee will be O.K. since she and I both like the Wicked musical and we like to talk about it and act it out (with me playing the star Elphaba).

nothing grows for the Wicked, they reap only what they've sown...

Wait, wait, wait, wait. What's this about muffins and cholesterol? If this cholesterol is bad, then muffins definitely don't have any of it. I know these things, there is nothing bad about muffins at all.

But if Lee did eat too many muffins to fast - this can cause muffinaches (it's true) but that is one of the things I can cure. Let me know.

If Lee is having all these problems with muffinaches, perhaps she should try going back to pancakes.

Frankly I don't know why she left them in the first place...